Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
