Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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