More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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