There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
