So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
