is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
