Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
