Michael Bay diarrhea
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
