this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
me + whiskey = a bad person
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
