Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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