She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
