ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
