probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
