apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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