you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
