He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
