Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
