just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
