Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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