I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
