Don't you send me to vm
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
