Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
