Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
