Tell her she can't have a vagina
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
