I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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