Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
