Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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