I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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