I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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