You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
