did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
