One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
