Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
