Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he quoted the bible to break up with me
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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