I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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