she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
