I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
