Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I party with great urgency now.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize