Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
