When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
