i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
