So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize