How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
