she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
