Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
