we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
