She announced her abortion via fbk
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
