I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
