"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize