Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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