it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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