Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
