I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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