Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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