I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
