remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
