dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i think im in europe. pls send help
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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