My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
