What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
