Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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