god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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