I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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