So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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