This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
