Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
