is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
