He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
