I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
