I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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