I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
