i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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