I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
its not stalking. its research.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Randomize
