guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
