I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
