Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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