so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
